04 March 2011

Glorious Man-Made Bull Attemps to Jump Over the Moon -- Fails

Well sorta.  Actually, early this morning a Taurus XL rocked carrying NASA’s Glory satellite launched from Vandenberg Air Force Base.  It was going on a three-year mission to study aerosols in the atmosphere and how they affect Earth’s climate.  I say “was” because it had separation issues and now, according to NASA launch director Omar Baez, "Indications are that the satellite and rocket ... is in the southern Pacific Ocean somewhere."  That's NASAeese for EPIC FAIL.

Fortunately, you scientific aficionado types don’t have to worry.  The failed $424 million mission is scheduled to be repeated in 2013.  Here’s the really good news though, I’ve been indoctrinated from a very early age to know that aerosols poke a hole in the ozone layer, cause global warming, contribute to political corruption, and drown puppies and kittens by the bagful.  There, now you don’t need another satellite so you can save yourself the two-year prep time and three-year study time.  

As if saving you five years isn’t generous enough, I will only charge half-price for my knowledge.  NASA, feel free to send my $212 million via check, moneyorder, direct deposit or PayPal.  Heck, I’m not picky.  I just need the money so I can build my militaristic compound before the chlorofluorocarbons begin the prophesied zombie pandemic and my neighbors try to eat my brains.


Julie V. said...

That is one very expensive failure! And they are REALLY going to do it again? With OUR money? Any way to stop the madness???

Nathan said...

If at first you don't succeed ... spend more money trying again!
A very expensive failure, indeed.


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