13 January 2013

Some Days

Some days I wake up and think, "today should be pretty uneventful." Then I hear the unmistakable sounds of the fridge opening and a gallon of milk tumbling out and being slowly drug across the floor by my two-year old, my three-year old twins giggling evilly and telling their mother, "We play buddy lick it!", and random other chaos from the other five kids; and I think, "oh yeah, I have small children. My life is only ever uneventful in comparison to a zookeeper whose 312 fellow employees called in sick to work that day, and the monkeys learned how to unlock cages.

03 July 2011

The Kinect for Xbox 360 and us

We bought a Kinect for our Xbox 360 a few weeks ago. I have been sore in areas I didn't even know I had muscles. For those of you who don't know what the Kinect is, here's a snippet from

You are the controller. No gadgets, no gizmos, just you!

Kinect brings games and entertainment to life in extraordinary new ways without using a controller. Imagine controlling movies and music with the wave of a hand or the sound of your voice. With Kinect, technology evaporates, letting the natural magic in all of us shine.

After giving it your all jumping around, swatting at balls, dodging obstacles, etc, it shows these instant replays and folks, if you know what's smart for you, you'll turn them off. It's like when you hear your recorded voice and can't fathom you actually sound that way. Secretly you maintain that your voice really sounds the way you hear it in your head. It's kinda like that. The video shows you flailing about for no apparent reason. Picture a fish flopping about out of water except it's seal sized, pink, and has four protruding limbs to enhance the effect.

Yep, that about sums it up. Kinect is awesome, but will give you sore muscles and bruise your ego.

05 June 2011

Deep Thoughts from a Shallow Pool

Why is the word abbreviation so long?

Why is an orange an orange, but an apple isn't a red and a banana isn't a yellow?

Where is the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper Picked?

Why is it, when someone asks, “Hey! How’s it going?” it’s perfectly acceptable to reply, “Hey! How are you doing?” and never actually answer their question?

Why are we born with the irresistible urge to examine the tissue after blowing our nose?

I understand the biological reasons for two legs, two arms, two ears, and two eyes, but why two nostrils?

Why do the phrases “I could care less” and “I couldn’t care less” mean the same thing, when they obviously don’t?

Would moms really let their kids play with their food after they had eaten all their toys, or are they just leading them on?

If two trains leave the same station 15 minutes apart headed in the same direction, the first traveling at 20 MPH and the second at 25 MPH, how long will it take for anyone to care?

24 May 2011

23 April 2011

Pirates: The Dark Truth

My five-year-old son (Bun) bought a pirate costume at a yard sale today.  A little girl got to the sword and spyglass first, so the outfit is short a couple of accessories.  On that note, Bun was describing the things he still needed to be a real pirate.

Bun: Daddy, do I look like a real pirate?

Me: Yes.  You look like a great pirate.

Bun: Only I need an eye patch and a bird to tie to my shoulder.

Me: You mean a parrot like a pirate might have?

Bun: Yes. And, Daddy?

Me: Yes, Bun?

Bun: I am the only pirate that brushes his teeth.

Me: That’s a very good pirate.

Bun: Yeah.  You know, pirates don’t ever brush one of their teeth.

22 April 2011

Toddler Lingo

Recently, we've been teaching about the truth and lying during family home evening.  The oldest three indicated they understood, and my three-year-old son seemed to grasp the general concept -- lies are bad -- so we were happy with our progress.

Then yesterday morning after my son got out of the shower, I wrapped a towel around him to dry off and stay warm.  The towel kept slipping off his shoulders, and he was getting seriously frustrated.  Finally, he exploded with the foulest language he could think of: "Towels are a LIE!"

20 April 2011

Easter Bunny Elves

We had a mini just-for-fun egg hunt today.  Each kid got three plastic eggs and a couple foil covered eggs.  After my three-year-old son had finished stuffing the last bit of chocolate in his mouth, he came into the kitchen where I was helping my seven-year-old daughter get a drink of water.  We had the following conversation:

Boy (speaking around a mouthful of chocolate): I need more eggs.

Me: You ate all the candy?

Boy (swallowing): Yeah.  I need more eggs now.

Me: That’s all for tonight.

Boy: But I need more eggs!

Me: You have to wait. The Easter Bunny will bring you more eggs on Easter.

Boy: Where he is?

Me: What?

Boy: Where is de Easter Bunny?

Me: Oh. He’s probably getting his eggs ready for Easter.

Boy (eyes glowing with delight): I can help him!

Me: Er, we don’t know where he is.

Boy: But maybe we could…

Girl (who is already convinced she is smarter than my wife and me combined): I know what you’re going to say.

Boy (confused): What?

Girl: That we can use the GPS.

Boy: What?

Girl: We can use the GPS to find the Easter Bunny.  Then you can help him with the eggs.

Boy: Yes, that!

Maybe they're onto something here.  I mean Santa has elves, but the Easter Bunny doesn't get any helpers.  Heck, he doesn't even have opposable thumbs.


Related Posts with Thumbnails