13 January 2006

If you give a woman a ricecake...

If you give a woman a rice cake, she will probably ask for peanut butter and a plate.
When you spread creamy peanut butter on her rice cake she will sigh and say she really wanted crunchy.
Since she is hungry she will eat it now and let you go to the store for crunchy later.
After a few bites she will tell you she needs a glass of milk to help the rice cake go down.
When you bring her a glass of milk she will say it is too full, but will drink it anyway.
She will then hand you the empty plate and ask you to take it to the sink.
When you come back she will hand you the glass to take upstairs and ask you to wash it and the plate while you are in the kitchen.
When you come back down she will tell you that she might like just a little more milk.
After drinking the milk she will tell you she drank too much and feels sick.
Thinking about her sick stomach will make her wonder if the sleeping kids are okay.
She will ask you to go upstairs and make sure that they are still safe and breathing.
Since you will already be upstairs, she will ask you to bring down some chocolate for her because that will help her feel better.
When you bring her M&Ms it will remind her of her mom and she will ask you to go back upstairs to get the phone so she can call her.
When you tiptoe back downstairs with the phone so you don't wake the kids, you will probably startle her and she will scream because she was checking her email and didn't hear you coming.
When she screams at least one of the kids will stir and she will give you a dirty look for waking them.
The dirty look will remind her she is still upset for you scaring her and she will send you upstairs to calm the child.
When you come back downstairs she will be talking to her mom on the phone.
Talking to her mom will remind her that she is so far away.
Thinking about things that are far away will remind her that the crunchy peanut butter is far away at the store.
After she gestures madly and mouths some incomprehensible words, you will finally understand that she wants you to go to the store and buy crunchy peanut butter.
When you come home from the store she will ask to see the peanut butter to make sure you bought the right kind.
Seeing the peanut butter will make her hungry, and she will probably ask you for a rice cake to put it on.


Crunchy Peanut Butter on Rice Cake lover said...

I love your story. It reminds me of "If you give a Moose a Muffin," or "If you give a Mouse a Cookie." I laughed so hard I nearly wet my pants.

Anonymous said...

Mom says, aren't you glad that wheat can be part of everyone's diet again?...

Troy said...

Sounds just like someone I know . . .


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