I had a dream last night.
I was standing in the living room and watched my five-year-old squat in the dining room, angle, and birth a six-foot-long turd like a salmon slowly jumping up a waterfall in a National Geographic special.
The steaming monstrosity gently settled to the floor, resting its forward-most section on the living room carpet. Just before the icky-shiver, which was convulsing through my body, reached the heart of my soul, I had my first coherent thought. Do you know what it was?
I’ve got to take a picture and blog this.
Visualize trying to convince your recently violated kindergartner to lie down next to a log of human-waste twice as tall as him. He was in no way consoled when I pointed out to him that he must feel MUCH better now.
Well, there you go bloggity world. Rest assured that if I ever witness something so unnatural that it offends our very sense of humanity, you’ll be able to read all about it shortly on the internet.
Oh, and Happy Valentine’s Day.