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11 July 2010

The Missing Episode Chronicles:

Kids’ Show episodes you didn’t get the chance to see… but secretly wish you had

Roadrunner and Wylie Coyote
In his latest attempt to capture Roadrunner, Wylie Coyote orders a time machine to go back in time and capture Roadrunner as a baby. Roadrunner calls ACME, but finds his credit card is maxed out, so he has to get a minimum wage job to pay the monthly interest charges.  No longer having to run from the coyote, roadrunner loses all sense of purpose in life and quits his regular running routine.  Subsequently, he becomes addicted to pop tarts, fried food and daytime talk shows.  After gaining 50 pounds in one year, he makes a short appearance on the Biggest Loser, but is dropped after the first week for smuggling in a deep fried pizza and downing it in the bathroom.

Barney
Barney’s obesity finally catches up with him and he has a heart attack mid-episode.  The kids laugh at his antics and begin to dance around him, singing “London Bridges.”  His moans and groans strangely coincide with crescendos in the music.  When the children realize something is wrong with Barney, they decide he is very sick and need everyone who believes in purple dinosaurs to clap their hands and say “we believe” to save him.  In the spirit of the show, they decide to sing a happy little song about life, belief, and clapping.  The song goes on a bit too long and Barney expires before they get around to the actual clapping and believing bit.  The show closes with smiling children holding hands, swaying, and singing “I loved you, you loved me, but I guess it just wasn’t meant to be…”

Bob the Builder
It’s winter and Farmer Pickles’s barn is destroyed in a snowstorm.  The animals are cold, so he calls Bob to build a new one.  Bob takes Lofty and Muck to help.  Wendy warns them to hurry because a massive blizzard is on the way.  He says not to worry; it won’t take long because Farmer Pickles has all the supplies already prepared and even made them sandwiches so they won’t have to stop for a lunch break. 

Spud finds out Bob is coming and thinks it will be funny to hide all the wood from him.  He tells Travis that Bob wants them to move all the wood to the other side of the farm.  Travis doesn’t think this sounds right, but figures Bob knows best, so he helps Spud take all the wood away.  Spud hurries back to see how surprised Bob will be when he shows up and there isn’t any wood left.  After all that sneaking around, Spud is hungry and finds the sandwiches Farmer Pickles made.  He eats them one by one laughing to himself about how much funnier it will be when Bob can’t find the wood or his lunch.  By the time he eats the last sandwich he has a stomach ache and decides to lie down for a bit.

Bob arrives and Farmer Pickles takes him to where the new barn will be built.  Farmer pickles is puzzled to find the wood missing, but just then the blizzard hits and they spend the next few minutes trying to find their way back to the house.  It is a complete white-out and they soon lose their sense of direction, circling back to where they started.  They can’t get out of the snow, and as the storm continues they get cold and hungry.  With no wood to burn for heat or sandwiches to eat, their prospects look dim.

Spud has been asleep this whole time in a food-induced coma.  He is now covered by a thick layer of newly fallen snow.  Bob is directing Muck to pile the snow around them to help build a giant igloo to keep the cold wind at bay.  In the process he runs over the snow-covered Spud.  Bob and Farmer Pickles are glad to have found him.  They survive the storm by eating his turnip nose and burning his body bit by bit for warmth.

When the crops are planted that spring, Spud is replaced by a much more reliable stationary scarecrow.

Yo Gabba Gabba
Unable to get any guest stars, it’s a full episode of nothing more than DJ Lance Rock saying “Yo Gabba Gabba” repeatedly while Muno, Brobee, Foofa, Toodee and Plex jump around dancing.  The test audience doesn’t notice anything out of the ordinary.

Wonder Pets
Linny Tuck and Ming Ming have to save a baby anaconda that is in trouble because it is trapped in a cave and can’t find its mommy.  They work together and are able to free the baby snake and return it to its mommy.  They celebrate by eating celery.  The snakes celebrate by eating the Wonder Pets.  As the credits roll, the snakes can be heard singing:

Wonder Pets!
Wonder Pets!
They came our way
To help a friend
And save the day
They weren’t too big
And weren’t too tough
And when eaten together
They’ve got the right stuff
Go, Wonder Pets, ya'ay!

Teletubbies
It’s a very short episode.  There is a white flash and a mushroom cloud can be seen in the distance.  The Teletubbies make squalid baby-talk sounds for a few seconds and the screen goes black.  The remaining time is filled by an archived Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood episode.  Children everywhere are tricked into learning something for the first time since their introduction to Teletubbies.


4 comments:

mailman said...

Where can I watch these wonderful new spinoff shows? Probably the "hole in the earth" network, right?

Dad

Susanna said...

wow - i love it!!! especially barney and telitubbies. :) you just make me laugh danny.

Julie V. said...

hysterical, a little scarrey - but hey! You did kill off Barney!
(WHERE do you get these ideas? Been watching too many goofy kiddie shows?)

Feywriter said...

Teletubbies. *shudders* You have imagined the only episode of it worth seeing. :-)

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