Sports for Infants

Move over Michael Vick! Dog fighting is out – infant fighting is the new rave. Underground fight clubs and tournaments are popping up all around the globe as this controversial sport starts to take hold in the hearts and minds of parents everywhere.



Speaking on the condition of anonymity, one infant fighter’s manager/mother maintained that she wouldn’t have even considered going through childbirth except to bring a new competitor to the ring. “It made all the pain worthwhile,” she said.

For those of you considering training your offspring for competition, child martial arts experts recommend starting as early as possible. Sebastian “Angry Eyes” Zen, a martial arts trainer from Ittoqqortoormiit, Greenland advises that some styles are better suited for small children. In an exclusive interview he told us, “Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, for example, is a martial art and combat sport that focuses on grappling but especially ground fighting. Thus it is perfect for infants who are incapable of lifting themselves to a sitting or standing position anyway.”

For more information on the subject of infant fighting, look for a copy of Sevastian Zen’s highly anticipated new book, Diapers and Fists – Lightning Fast Metabolisms and Moves. $49.86 in stores everywhere where stores sell it.