Dakratisms

If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it -- if duct tape can’t fix it, it ain’t broke.

Paper cuts are a tree’s way of getting the last laugh.

Sharing your opinion is often a losing proposition -- You’re asked to give your two cents worth, but only get a penny for your thoughts. It just doesn’t make cents.

You don't know what you have until you've got it.

Chocolate chip cookies ARE the silver lining.

Why isn’t the “wrong side of the bed to wake up on” removed at the factory? You’d think at the very least that sort of thing would come with a warning label.

Some things just shouldn’t be considered lucky. The rabbit that lost his foot wasn’t lucky, so why is his appendage? The horse that threw a shoe wasn’t lucky, so why is the hunk of metal? And a four-leaf clover… well, come on -- it’s a mutant. We don’t go around looking for six fingered people and say, “hey, gimme six my lucky man!”

Reality shows are to television programming as dregs are to hot chocolate.

AOL is a virus and must be dealt with as such.

If it’s really true that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, I wish Bill Gates would sue me for all I’m worth… and win.

If you find the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, check your sprinkler system.

The man who first said, “Well, if you don’t know, I’m not going to tell you,” was likely the same guy who first picked up a rabbit’s bloody stump and thought, “hey, it’s my lucky day!” I find it comforting to think that he probably didn’t live long enough to propagate.

It’s not a question of whether the glass is half full or half empty -- it’s a matter of whether or not the contents are potable.

If you are what you eat, why doesn’t feeding lots of sugar to kids improve their temperament?

And lastly, if you remember nothing else, maybe you have amnesia.