Did I just say that out loud?

Have you ever had one of those moments when you were thinking something less than pleasant and realize the person next to you is giving you a funny look? Generally when you query them as to whether or not you had just said aloud what you were thinking, they respond in the affirmative. Oops. I had a similar experience today. Maybe it was the headache or the sleep depravation or the frustration of dealing via email with finicky professors who are never satisfied or the stress of trying to learn a new massive additional duty at work, or a combination of everything… whatever the reason – I slipped.

My wife and I had been trying to troubleshoot our five month old Lexmark printer for two days because it wasn’t printing in black. The automatic ink level indicator indicated that I still had 80% of the cartridge left – as well it should since we had used it very little and this was the second ink cartridge and was practically new. Consequently, lack of ink as a problem didn’t cross my mind. However, after exhausting all other possibilities I pulled out the cartridge and shook it a bit. There was a liquid sloshing around inside which I naively assumed to be ink. After examining my hand though I saw small water droplets and found they had come from the cartridge (I didn’t know they did that sort of a thing…). Anyway, the ink was gone.

That was it – I’d had it with this company. The first cartridge ran out within weeks of getting the printer and now this one too. Sure, I would understand if we typed in white lettering on a black background and printed in triplicate every time, but this was not the case at all. It was venting time. Lexmark was stealing customers’ money, and they needed to know someone had caught on to their evil plan. To this end, I sent them the email below; including my name, address, email address, etc.

Disclaimer: For those of you who know me, I am not usually this vehement when I feel wronged… or at least I do not express myself quite so bluntly. Anyway, I sent it off to cyberspace never land en route to Lexmark customer service. Only after reading what I had sent a while later did I start to feel a twinge of guilt. Oh well – I’m over it now.

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Email to Lexmark customer service
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I have owned a Lexmark X4270 for about five months now, and have noticed a very disturbing trend. I have no qualms with the printer per se, but the ink. Specifically, the black ink runs out well before I think it should. My printer has already gone through two ink cartridges and is now working on a third. I doubt that I’ve printed even 100 pages in the time I have owned the printer, and those were nothing but text – no ink guzzling graphics or anything. I am extremely dissatisfied with Lexmark. The price you charge for so little ink is outrageous. I feel like I’ve been sold a bottle of snake oil claiming to cure cancer, but only making me sick to my stomach.

It’s unfortunate to see that such a well known brand name as Lexmark would stoop to making money in this shady manner at the expense of their customers. I’m sorry to say that I used to think well of your company and even recommended your products to many people while working for a major computer company. Now I know better and will advise anyone in the market to stay away from the Lexmark money pit. I feel it is my moral obligation to do so. Maybe someday you will realize what a mistake it is you have made and attempt to better serve those who might become loyal customers. Until that day, I can only hope most people are smarter than I was to get entangled in your web of deceit for profit.

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...Did I just say that out loud?

Dakratisms

If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it -- if duct tape can’t fix it, it ain’t broke.

Paper cuts are a tree’s way of getting the last laugh.

Sharing your opinion is often a losing proposition -- You’re asked to give your two cents worth, but only get a penny for your thoughts. It just doesn’t make cents.

You don't know what you have until you've got it.

Chocolate chip cookies ARE the silver lining.

Why isn’t the “wrong side of the bed to wake up on” removed at the factory? You’d think at the very least that sort of thing would come with a warning label.

Some things just shouldn’t be considered lucky. The rabbit that lost his foot wasn’t lucky, so why is his appendage? The horse that threw a shoe wasn’t lucky, so why is the hunk of metal? And a four-leaf clover… well, come on -- it’s a mutant. We don’t go around looking for six fingered people and say, “hey, gimme six my lucky man!”

Reality shows are to television programming as dregs are to hot chocolate.

AOL is a virus and must be dealt with as such.

If it’s really true that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, I wish Bill Gates would sue me for all I’m worth… and win.

If you find the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, check your sprinkler system.

The man who first said, “Well, if you don’t know, I’m not going to tell you,” was likely the same guy who first picked up a rabbit’s bloody stump and thought, “hey, it’s my lucky day!” I find it comforting to think that he probably didn’t live long enough to propagate.

It’s not a question of whether the glass is half full or half empty -- it’s a matter of whether or not the contents are potable.

If you are what you eat, why doesn’t feeding lots of sugar to kids improve their temperament?

And lastly, if you remember nothing else, maybe you have amnesia.